#unfortunately it really doesnt look bad so i doubt they will be

[valtsv]

unsure whether to hope my coworkers notice my haircut and think it looks like shit so i can proudly tell them i did it myself, think it looks great so i can proudly tell them i did it myself, or just not comment on it regardless of whether they notice

[robo-writing]

Hi hi! I read some of your work (amazing, 10/10 ILY) and saw that requests were open!!!

Like you have posted, I too am currently obsessed with Logan Howlett. (He could step on my toe and I’d THANK HIM AUUUGGGGH-)

Could I request some HC’s about Logan x afab!insecure!reader?

Like insecure about their intelligence, body type, overall looks- And who also just has general bad anxiety about every action they do? NSFW or SFW is completely okay 🫶

If not, that’s completely fine!! ILY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Of course! SFW and NSFW below <3

SFW

✦He didn't get it at first, he thought you were just shy until he paid attention and realized you just weren't confident in yourself ✦The realization confused him even more, especially since he thought you were so talented. Unfortunately you just couldn't see it. ✦He's your number one fan, always encouraging you whenever you're doubting yourself ✦Stands up for you whenever people try to talk over you, he can also tell whenever you have something on your mind but you're too afraid to say it ✦Makes it his personal mission to compliment your looks. If you're comfortable with physical touch he is SO handsy, if you're not he makes it known how beautiful you are; compliments your outfits, your hair, spends entire minutes just staring at you (you're always embarrassed but it only encourages him further.)

He’s got you nestled in his arms, not really paying attention to the cheesy action film playing in the background. No, he’s more focused on you, on your hair, your eyes, your face—

“—You’re staring again,” you say, looking up at him.

Caught red-handed, he doesnt make any effort to hide his gaze. “I know I am.”

His words make your face hot. You try to turn away but he doesn’t let you, hands pulling your face back to him.

“Don’t shy away from me baby, just wanna look at you for a while,” he sighs, kissing your temple. “Is it illegal to look at my girl?”

You’re giggling, both at his antics and his cheesy line. His lips trail closer and closer, lips brushing before he captures your own in a warm embrace. Slow, melodic, a kiss that makes both body and mind melt.

“Never gonna stop looking at my girl,” he breathes. “I can promise you that.”

NSFW

✦Like I said, he makes it his job to show you just how pretty you are. ✦Spends so much time touching you, teasing you, that by the time he takes your clothes off you're begging for more ✦Fingers you in front of a mirror to show you just how pretty you are, pulling your head back forward when you turn away. Will stop if you stop looking. ✦Nicknames galore. Baby, darling, sweet cheeks, all of which make your heart melt. ✦Locks your hands in his when you try to cover your face. No hiding from him.

Logan’s arm holds you tight to his chest, legs forcing your own apart while his free hand plays with your pussy. Large fingers rub against your sensitive clit with vigor while you shake in his arms, a strong grip keeping you right where you are.

“Come on doll, remember our deal,” he growls, hand reaching up to your face. “Don’t make me hold your chin.”

Your reflection stares back at you, a lecherous reminder of your previous agreement; No looking away, or he stops.

His words ring in your ears along with the sound of your cunt, the soft squelch of his fingers echoing throughout the room. You grab at his arm, nails scratching at his skin, your voice high pitched as you cry his name.

“Gonna come, please—“ you whine. The hand on your neck faces you forward, and it’s now you can see the predator stare of your boyfriend behind you, desire alight in his eyes. His hair sticks to his forehead, adding to the menacing gaze he gives you through the mirror.

“Look at yourself when you do.” He whispers, and on command your juices soak his hand.

[ukiyowi]

Channelled Messages 💌

Channelling messages from your: Future Spouse, Closest Friends, Spirit Guides, and Future Self

Note: Please DM me if you want a reading I am going to be putting a discount on all my readings because I am in a rough spot financially and need to pay money for my room which I was not aware of earlier and could be kicked out if I don't at the earliest. Book a reading || Tip me! (Ko-fi)

♡ Future Spouse

♡ Closest Friends

♡ Spirit Guides

♡ Future Self

Future Spouse

��� Pile 1

My Love,

I imagine us walking hand in hand through the seasons of life, supporting each other through every victory and challenge. Together, we will create a collage of memories, painting the canvas of our shared life with love, laughter, and endless adventures.

I promise to be your biggest cheerleader, your confidant in times of doubt, and your unwavering support through thick and thin. I vow to cherish and respect you for the unique individual that you are, appreciating both your strengths and your vulnerabilities.

You are scarred right now but theres no reason to be. You are so filled with love and light and everything good, just because someone else cannot see it does not mean it doesnt exist. If I could bring you the moon and the stars I would in an instant. I don't think there has ever been or will ever be someone who is as bright as you.

Please take care of your health, you cannot make excuses for bad habits and keep living life like that, no matter how stressful work or life is please make time for yourself. We still have a while to meet so take care of yourself for both you and I.

Song: It's a Shame - The Spinners

💌 Pile 2

Hey Darling,

Our connection, I believe, will be deeper than words can express. It will be built on trust, respect, and a genuine desire to see each other flourish. While I can't predict the future, I am steadfast in my commitment to cherishing every moment we have together.

We have met before, I don't think you remember me, but I do. your beauty had me stunned and so did your mannerisms. I admire the way you carry yourself, with so much dignity and poise, as if the personification of grace itself were standing in front of me, sweeping me off of my feet.

I will shower you with anything you want, praise, adoration, gifts, love, time, energy, and be there whenever you need. Life is probably fun for you right now, unfortunately for me the road is a little rocky. Enjoy this time with your friends and family, your loved ones truly care about you and want what's best for you even if they can't articulate it well.

Stay strong butterflly and look for me in your dreams, I promise to be a frequent visitor. hope you likfe sunflowers, lillies, and magnolias angel.

Song: Mango bananas - Flyana Boss

💌 Pile 3

Hi sweetheart!!

I have a feeling that when we finally meet, there's going to be a bell that rings making us instantly know like it did in Your Name, also hope you like animation because I love it, I also really like drawing and art, do you? Please say yes!

Life seems to be going too fast for you right now so you need to make sure that you don't lose yourself in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Calm down and do things you enjoy, maybe you'll like pottery!

But beyond the laughter and silliness, I want you to know that I'm dead serious about creating a remarkable life together. We'll support each other's dreams, even if they involve opening a cat cafe or becoming professional trampoline testers (hey, it's a thing, right?). We'll navigate the ups and downs of life hand in hand, and I promise to be your rock when you need it most.

Song: Glue Song - beabadoobee

xoxo

Closest Friends

💌 Pile 1

Life has been quite the rollercoaster lately, filled with its usual ups and downs. I've had my fair share of challenges, but there have also been some incredible moments that I wish I could have shared with you in person.

I often find myself reminiscing about the good old days when we used to spend hours talking and laughing about anything and everything . Those memories are some of my most cherished, and I truly miss you.

Please know that no matter where life takes us or how much time passes, you will always hold a special place in my heart. Your friendship has been a source of strength, laughter, and endless support, and I'm incredibly grateful for that.

Let's make a promise to catch up soon, whether it's over a cup of coffee or a long, heartfelt phone call. I genuinely look forward to hearing how you've been and sharing all the stories we've missed out on.

With love,

Initials may include: R, P, W, Q, L

Song: Window - Still Woozy

💌 Pile 2

Leaving behind the place we've called home for so long is both exciting and bittersweet. While new opportunities wait and adventures call, it's hard not to feel a tinge of sadness at the thought of being farther away from you.

Although physical distance may separate us, please know that you will always hold a special place in my life. Our bond is not defined by geography but by the strong connection we share.

And the internet exists so we'll be fine right? You promise to not lose touch with me even when we're both busy? I promise I will remember to call you, if not daily then weekly, please don't forget me.

I wish you could join me and we could embark on this together but life has its ways of separating the best people we've met so that we are forced to widen our horizons and social circles lol, hope it's not too much for either you or me.

Will miss you,

Initials pulled: A, J, M, S, K

Song: Missin something - Zach Templar

💌 Pile 3

I love the days we've shared and I wish to share so many more with you in the future, god I am so so so excited for everything thats to come!

Do you remember that time we decided to go on that impromptu road trip? No plans, no GPS, just a car full of snacks, good music, and an unshakable belief that we'd find our way eventually. We got lost more times than I can count, but it was so much fun and truly unforgettable.

And how about those late-night conversations that somehow turned into early-morning confessions? We've solved the world's problems over a cup of lukewarm coffee more times than I can recall. The neighbors must have wondered if we were running a 24-hour café.

As I sit here reminiscing about these and countless other memories, I can't help but smile. Our friendship has been a rollercoaster of laughter, silliness, and genuine connection. And I wouldn't trade a single moment of it for anything in the world.

Sending you a virtual high-five and a whole lot of fond memories, here's to hundreds more, and don't forget about the promise we made about the weddings okay?

Your platonic soulmate,

Initials may include: G, H, B, L, T

Song: Right Here, For Now - Bakar

xoxo

Spirit Guides

💌 Pile 1

Embrace change with an open heart and a curious mind. Life is a series of shifts and transitions, and it's in these moments of change that growth and self-discovery thrive. Trust in your ability to adapt and evolve, for you possess the resilience needed to navigate uncharted waters.

As you progress in your career, always remember that your passion and purpose are the compass that should guide you. Pursue work that aligns with your values and fulfills your soul. Don't be afraid to explore different paths and take calculated risks. Each experience contributes to your growth and wisdom.

Learning is a lifelong journey, and each lesson learned is a stepping stone to your personal and professional development. Stay committed to your goals, and never underestimate the power of continued learning.

There may be moments of doubt or uncertainty along the way, but listen to your heart's desires and the quiet whispers of your soul, for they will guide you toward your true purpose.

Above all, be patient and compassionate with yourself. Success is not defined by a straight path but by the lessons learned along the way. Embrace each setback as an opportunity to grow stronger and wiser.

Song: Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift

💌 Pile 2

In matters of the heart, we see the longing in your soul for a deep and meaningful connection. First and foremost, we urge you to be patient with yourself. Love is a delicate dance, and it often takes time to find the right partner who truly understands and appreciates you.

As you seek love, remember the importance of self-love. Nurture your own well-being, both physically and emotionally. Don't be insecure about your quirks and imperfections, for they are the qualities that make you beautifully you. When you love yourself wholeheartedly, you become a magnet for the love you desire.

When it comes to romantic relationships, let go of preconceived notions and allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised. Love can appear in unexpected places and forms. Stay open to meeting new people and exploring connections that may not fit your usual "type." Sometimes, the greatest love stories are the ones that defy expectations.

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Be brave in expressing your feelings, needs, and desires. Equally important, listen to your partner with an open heart. True intimacy is born from understanding and genuine connection.

Whoever, you're thinking of, is not the one, set the standards high and do not settle for something that does not align with what you can give as well.

Song: Scared - Jeremy Zucker

💌 Pile 3

Know that you are never alone. We are always by your side, watching over you, and guiding you in subtle ways. We see your potential and your inner light, and we are here to help you recognize and nurture these gifts.

Trust in your intuition, for it is the voice of your soul and the channel through which we communicate with you. In times of uncertainty, turn inward and listen to the whispers of your heart, for they will lead you toward your true path.

Embrace the lessons that life presents, for they are opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Challenges are not obstacles but stepping stones on your journey to becoming the best version of yourself.

Surround yourself with positive influences and kindred spirits who uplift and support your journey. Let go of relationships that drain your energy and hinder your growth. Create a circle of love and support that nurtures your soul.

Find joy in the simple pleasures of life. Take time to savor a cup of tea, watch a sunrise, or feel the grass beneath your feet. These moments of presence are where true happiness resides.

Song: July - Noah Cyrus

xoxo

Future Self

💌 Pile 1

Darling, I cannot even start to tell you how good life is right now for me, and eventually for you. I know you are currently going through a rough patch, and as cliche as this sounds, I want you to know that every storm you're weathering now is bringing you closer to the sunshine that awaits you.

In my time, I've seen how the challenges you're facing today have shaped you into the resilient, compassionate, and wise person I've become. The setbacks you're experiencing are not roadblocks; they are stepping stones leading you to the life you've always dreamed of.

You may feel lost, uncertain, and at times overwhelmed, but trust me, these moments are your greatest teachers. They are guiding you towards a deeper understanding of yourself, your purpose, and the incredible strength that lies within you.

One day, you will look back on this period of your life and realize that it was a transformative journey, a cocoon in which you underwent a profound metamorphosis. You'll emerge from it stronger, wiser, and more in tune with your inner self.

The relationships you're nurturing now, the lessons you're learning, and the self-care you're embracing will all become pillars of the beautiful life that awaits you. You'll find yourself surrounded by a supportive and loving community that cherishes you for exactly who you are.

Song: See you Again - Tyler, The Creator

💌 Pile 2

I am sorry, but things are not going the way you would have hoped they would. However, rejection is just redirection, okay? Although things are looking rough for me right now, which, for you, is in the future, I want you to know that this tough phase will lead you to a place of strength and growth.

Life can be incredibly challenging at times, and I wish I could spare you from some of the hardships I'm currently facing. But remember, every setback, every disappointment, is an opportunity for growth and learning. It's through these tough moments that we discover our resilience and develop the wisdom to make better choices in the future.

I want you to hold onto hope, even when it feels like all hope is lost. Believe in yourself and your ability to overcome adversity. Surround yourself with supportive friends and loved ones who will help you weather the storm.

Stay patient and kind to yourself. It's easy to be critical during challenging times, but self-compassion is crucial. Treat yourself with the same love and understanding that you offer to others.

I am working on something thats a dream of ours right now, and I am seeing signs that it may end up succeeding soon or at least kick off, and I still love designing and art as much as you do right now, although I barely have time for myself right now.

Song: Not in that way - Sam Smith

💌 Pile 3

Okay, so maybeee we should reel it in a little with how much you are overworking yourself because it is having a bad effect on me, aka future you. Yep, I'm here to tell you that all those late nights, skipped meals, and stress-induced hair-pulling moments are not doing us any favors down the line.

I get it, you're hustling, chasing dreams, and making things happen in the here and now, and that's commendable. But trust me, I've been there, done that, and I can assure you that I'd appreciate a little less burnout and a lot more balance in our past.

You see, life isn't just about reaching goals; it's about enjoying the journey too. So, let's make a pact to take breaks, breathe deeply, and relish the simple pleasures. Remember, it's not all about the destination; the detours and pit stops are just as important.

And don't worry, I'm not trying to cramp your style here; I just want us to have the best possible adventures together, full of energy, laughter, and great stories. So, let's find that sweet spot where hard work meets self-care, and where the future "us" can look back and be happy about the past "you" for making wise choices.

Also please stop pulling all nighters its not doing any wonders for our skin, and even an extensive 10 step skincare routine does not do as much as a good nights sleep can.

Song: While we're yound - Jhene Aiko

xoxo

[thornswoggled]

i think there is a convo to be had about how chises dragon curse - for all of its confusing mechanics - functions less as a plot point and more of a physical manifestation of the character growth chise has yet to undertake, and an unwillingness to reckon with the person she is past the roles she serves in the lives of others

chise takes this curse on when she returns to the auction house, and location is everything here. at its core, this curse is anger, hatred, fear, pain, and a deep desire to return to comfort - destructive emotions that rip apart all it touches. when chise breaks down at the sight of the frightened dragon for sale, elias tells her that those are not her emotions, that she shouldnt let them overtake her - but they are her emotions, that dragon is her, and there was never a possibility that she wouldnt follow it on its flight over london. seeing as things have "worked out" for her til now, chise hasnt yet reckoned with the gravity of what it meant to sell her life away. she hasnt reckoned with the hatred and anger and pain that she still harbors - unfortunately, moving to a quaint little english cottage does not undo a lifetime of neglect. her attempts to fix those around her, philomela being a prime example, will only get her so far. eventually she will have to look within, and i dont think shes done more than dip her toes in. "this is my past, these sad things happened to me, now things are better" is not the end of her self-reflection. now that we know the past she carries with her, what does all of that mean for her? what kind of person is she? who will she become?

im thinking too about this recurring theme of "atavism." its a key feature in tambs dragons, who are able to evolve at will to suit their needs, and yori also mentions it when noting chises appearance. atavism is the reoccurrence of dormant or ancestral traits, and you could make the argument that its also functioning metaphorically here. evolving to suit the world around you, past burdens and trauma reemerging when its unexpected or inconvenient... my thoughts on this are loose right now

theres this concept that we've been getting, too, that chises dragon curse is something temporary. arc 1 left us with the idea that her two curses must remain in balance, in perpetuity, for her to survive. but theres this new interpretation of it being something that serves her for now, but she might shed it once it fulfills its purpose

continuing with the idea of the dragon curse as a sort of... idk, ptsd metaphor, what are these two examples from ch 98 implying? that her negative emotions will serve her when it comes time? that this sort of baggage cant be exorcised away? framing the dragon curse as temporary broaches the possibility of chise one day being cured of it, but what does that mean? and should she be?

(of course, the 'future chise' we see in ch 1 doesnt have a visible left hand, but is that meant to be a literal glimpse into the future, anyway? theres also a dragon made of vines behind her in that panel, didya notice it?)

i mentioned the auction house at the beginning because i feel that if chise sheds the dragon curse, it will be in much the same way she attained it. chise has been told that she is free, she is loved, she has told her "mother" that shes moving on with her life. but all of this is just the beginning - and lets be real, i dont think elias is putting her into therapy. joseph is the only character i can think of who is truly, earnestly pushing chise toward the difficult self-reflection she needs. im excited to see what he says when she taps into her "cursed fury"

this is why im so excited that we are being told explicitly, time and again, that things are about to go really bad for chise. tamb is such a masterwork of character writing, it is so incredibly emotionally intelligent and gives so much grace and patience to its characters. i have no doubt that chises character arc is going to go in such a spectacular direction

[hcfiles]

"You are a believer. I'm happy for you. I hope you continue believing and fighting for him as I once did. But, unfortunately, events that were obvious to me, made me change my mind about him. There isn't any serious fact that makes him a bad person or a criminal. But, there's enough to have his Character and image questioned. Henry is not a brave, self-confident man. He's insecure and that makes him avoid being involved in criminal or very bad acts. But, if there's a chance to slip a little to boost his image and sell it as a man he's not for vanity, he will. Such as lying and pretending to be a promiscuous' boyfriend and her baby father, just to avoid exposing the biggest PR mistake in history."

And that is why you are here? You want to "expose" how insecure Henry is? Gurl, really? Being insecure is very common in our world, many people are and everyone deals with it differently. Henry was bullied as a kid, bullied when he started his career in Hollywood and still has to deal with a lot of shit from that industry ( Witcher, Superman...) there is a reason why he's the way he is now, I doubt you know his whole Lifestory. Why can't you just let him be? Does his Life, his decisions affect you in any way? Why do you have to attack the dude so much? Insecurity, anxiety isnt easy to deal with...Kal is a service Dog but you probably know that right? I do believe he has anxiety and he's also introverted which means he is not always able to show his feelings especially not in public. Keep that in mind in your "they dont look like a couple, he doesnt look like he's inlove with her" rants.

I dont agree with most of your rants but I agree with the stuff you said about Hollywood and how toxic it is. But I still believe Henry is and was never part of that inner circle, we can easily tell he's not.

Unbelievable that from a huge text, you get just the final detail that suits your idea that "Hen is a vic". Of course I'm not here to expose his fragility. His shyness was one of the things that called my attention when he first appeared to me. His sweetness was charming. But, we have to see beyond appeartances. And his image changed with the latest management. I am here for the same reason as most people are, including you: curiosity and to entertain myself discussing the latest trend: Henry Cavill's private public life.

[trashcanfills]

So I just read your hanzo space hcs and I loved the part about hushed conversations between him and genji in Japanese and I'm sorry if this request doesn't make a lot of sense but could I ask for a reader who finds out hanzo likes them because they know Japanese and listen to the arguments between hanzo and genji? Thank you and I'm sorry if this is long or confusing.

Mam/sir no this is not confusing. I like that you elaborated on the scenario u wanted me to write cus boi it helps hehe.

This became a monster of a fic jesus so uhhh more content for you i guess pardon the wait. I might edit this later cus Im not sure if Im happy with it now but eh its been stuck in my inbox for so long with some other requests better release now.

Shimada Hanzo x Reader - Hidden Confessions

Hanzo would likely be crushing on you after spending quite some time with you as friends. It’s hard to tell though because he never really says how he feels out loud, like I doubt you even are aware he considers you as a friend unless you confident/observant as hell or sth happened that both of you had to clarify for the sake of your friendship.

But alright lets say that you both consider each other as friends and you both know that. Cus friends to lovers tropes are gucci hehehehehe.

Ok so you def have to be crushing on Hanzo at this point, which I dont blame you for btw like look at the man. There’s a reason for the loads of fanart around him.

Unfortunately as we all know with the fucking friends to lovers trope drama, you cant just admit you like Hanzo that way, cus what if he doesnt sees you that way and it ruins your friendship and makes everything btw u??? Uh yea better safe than sorry bitches. Just keep it down and appreciate that you get to hang out with the angsty ass archer anyway.

Except…some kinda weird things have been going on with Hanzo and Genji? You think you see Genji talking to Hanzo in hushed whispers abt something that, based on Hanzo’s flushed and irritated expression, Hanzo clearly doesnt want to talk abt. It HAS piqued you interest when it tends to occur more often whenever you see the Shimada bros tgt. Asking Hanzo about it however just has him to dismiss it and change the subject. Rip.

Later on those hushed conversations do end up occurring in front of you and other overwatch members, in Japanese, since not many people do really know the language and the conversation was prob meant to be abt sth private and secretive.

Except, you do know Japanese. You didn’t exactly inform Hanzo or Genji of it because it seemed really entertaining to have them have these supposedly private Japanese conversations OUT LOUD without realising there were people who understood what they were saying. I mean, if it was a really sensitive thing they should be speaking behind closed doors right? Like cmon lol.

Usually, whenever the Shimada brothers talk to each other in Japanese, they would exchange some form of wit or ridiculous reference to their past (like that time Genji tried to cajole Hanzo into joining the DDR contest during one of the weekly game night sessions, until Hanzo said he still has pictures of Genji’s 16th Birthday Party Incident in Japanese. Ngl you were a lil curious what the incident was, but its likely some form of embarrassing blackmail).

However THIS TIME, it was completely different. You were chilling with a few other overwatch members plus Hanzo and Genji in the recreation room. Cue your surprise when Genji decided to ask Hanzo in Japanese:

“Sooooo…have you confessed your feelings yet, brother?”

Im sorry HANZO?? HAS FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE????? Thank god they weren’t really focusing on you that much otherwise they would have noticed your body tense a little at that. You don’t know exactly how to feel about this because this can either spell sth great or very bad for you, but most likely bad because what are the chances…right?

Hanzo predictably flushes a little, scowling even harder. If you didn’t know any better you would probably have thought that the archer was pissed at Genji about something instead of being embarrassed (tho i mean when has hanzo never been annoyed at genji lol)

At Hanzo’s expression, Genji sighed out loud. “You do realise you can’t stew on your feelings forever-“

“I can if I want to and that is my decision to make, not yours.” Hanzo hissed back. Genji, unbothered by the interruption, continued:

“-and you have been pining for them for like almost a year.”

Hanzo scoffed. Genji kept going. “I mean they are literally just RIGHT THERE. You can ask them out on like a freaking date-“

“-and risk the potential embarrassment and fallout of our current platonic relationship?”

“Look, I doubt y/n would be the kind of person to-“ Sorry, hold the phone. Did Genji say YOUR NAME?? DOES HANZO ACTUALLY LIKE YOU BACK??? HOLY SHEET???? It was literally taking all of your concentration to not combust on the spot and give away the fact you could understand what they were saying in Japanese because HOLY FUCK HANZO RETURNS YOUR FEELINGS??

Ok ok calm down and listen back to the conversation because you were zoning out a bit from the revelation that Hanzo has a crush on you. Genji was still talking.

“-and you can’t be sure that they aren’t interested in you. Heck, from what I see, they seem very receptive to your boneheaded ass-“

“Being friendly and polite in a platonic relationship is no grounds for speculating romantic interest, you idiot. It’s only a common courtesy-“

“-dude do you NOT notice how much closer they are to you compared to anyone else here-“

“-and that means nothing, Genji. Cease this conversation.”

“Hanzo-“

“No. I do not wish to discuss this any further. Regardless of what you say, I severely doubt they would even like me that way.”

“Even then, just TRY. That is all I am asking of you, Hanzo. Because I want you to be happy for once-”

“You know, you guys could just asked me yourself right now if that’s what you are worried about.” You chimed in. “And speaking of which, I do actually like you too, Hanzo, and uhhh I would be totally open for a date anytime?”

Their reactions were priceless. The moment you spoke up in Japanese had the two Shimada brother halt their conversation to look at you in shock. Hanzo in particular had a myriad of expressions too entertaining to watch.

Hanzo practically went through an entire rollercoaster of emotions when you interrupted. Shock at you speaking Japanese, horror when he realised you spoke Japanese and understood it which meant you were able to listen through their conversation this entire time, until he processed the part on you liking him back which turned into a mix of joy, relief, embarrassment…yea rip Hanzo lol.

Genji meanwhile was trying so hard not to laugh because holy sheet your timing was excellent.

He had to shake Hanzo a bit to get him out of a daze, and gestured at him to ask you out. Hanzo gets his wits back after, glares at Genji because he’s such a lil shit. He then glanced at you briefly before looking away all flustered. “So uhhh…I’ll pick you for dinner at 7pm later?”

You gave him you biggest smile and agreed. That was the start of your beautiful romance with Hanzo, albeit with a mildly embarrassing start but hey, you guys got together since then. :3

BONUS: during the date

“I wasn’t aware that you knew Japanese.”

“You didn’t exactly ask me.”

“…Fair point but still.”

BONUS BONUS: immediately after Hanzo asks you out

“Holy fuck finally!”

“I-Cassidy WHAT?”

“Look. I had to sit through y/n telling me that they are crushing on Hanzo, and listen to them whine about how unfairly hot and cool Hanzo is. I couldn’t do anything about it because I had to keep it secret.”

“Mood.”

“Genji, why are you saying mood? I didn’t tell you about my crush on your brother-“

“I had to sit through Hanzo waxing poetry about you whenever he gets in this weird mood or when he gets drunk during our drinking sessions. It was funny at first but then got sad after a while when he kept making himself depressed over the idea you didn’t see him the same way.”

“You did NOT have to reveal that information-“

“You were the one who chose to confide in me, brother.”

“Hmph, then I suppose you won’t mind me showing y/n my collection of blackmail material of you, then.”

“Woah woah woah let’s not go THAT far-“

[habeascorpseus]

👉👈 can you tell us more about the fnc angel/demon au? 🥺 pretty please?

oh CAN i? okay first things first. this is entirely because of good omens s2 and particularly uses concepts from episode 3 about "angels/demons who go along as best they can". also canon gillion and chip are very azi/crowley coded to me (cmon, gill's a literal paladin sent to the oversea to portend the rapture that he's now doubting the need for and chip is a mischievous little bastard with too much charisma and until recently no concrete stake in anything except for protecting his crew) so yeah. anyways the information will be delivered in bullet points for each person

CHIP

was an angel. a pretty young one, at that. possibly came to existence around the 3rd millennium of mana's society

pretty mischievous and self interested for an angel. lets just say he fucked around and found out, and for it he was kicked out of heaven and fell into hell, but managed to crawl out like the stubborn bastard he is

the form he fell and crawled back to earth in was a young human looking boy. involuntarily, of course. but he often struggled to change his form in the past, instead letting it be dictated by his emotional state (another fairly chaotic and unangelic thing to do), and right now he feels small, weak, and vulnerable

he's picked up by the black rose, and, desperate to belong, he goes along with their assumption that he's just a normal kid, too weak to use much power or even change his form. for the couple years he lives with the crew, he doesnt grow. (this is chalked up to malnourishment.)

unfortunately, now that he's a demon, he has an Energy. and that energy attracts things. in particular: bad shit, and other demons. niklaus takes notice of this crew claimed by a seemingly inexperienced demon and decides to sink it for fun and to see what chip will do.

chip washes ashore on another island with two thoughts: one, he doesnt think he's allowed to be attached to anything good anymore without poisoning it, and two, he needs to be scarier in order to not be fucked with.

so he spends ten years hanging around ruben price, a man who acts so comically, stereotypically evil that chip occasionally doubts how mortal he is, but it seems like price just Like That. a handy trick of being a demon now is that chip can Sense types of energy- positive, negative, etc. what's scariest about price is chip gets nothing off of him, which is why he's the perfect person to watch

things come to a head when price forces chip to kill a man. and, well, its kind of what he's supposed to do, as a demon- but he hates it. in particular, he hates not feeling in control, and it angers him enough that hes finally able to use some demonic power to set price's warehouse ablaze and disappear into the night. (his hands are now blackened from where they caught fire and he now has a tail, being so unused to using magic that using it burnt away his human form to reveal the true form beneath it. he cant really disguise them back to normal because, again, bad at form shifting)

he sets sail on the sea and lands on an island where he follows a particularly strong negative energy to a tavern where he meets...

JAY

girl who's family basically run the navy.

her older sister was just mysteriously murdered around a year and a half ago, and she's going through it

by which i mean, She's Pissed. she wants whoever killed her to be found and brought to justice, preferably with the business end of her own pistol, but her father (an admiral) has fucked off to gods-knows-where and there's not really any leads at home beyond being surrounded by what her sister left behind... she's getting desperate.

she's bartending at her mom's tavern one evening when a guy her age walks in but he's.. wrong. somehow. there's dozens of lanterns and candles in the room, and yet he seems to cast a long shadow behind him no matter where he turns. also his hands are dark claws. she's pretty sure he's a demon honestly.

she's getting desperate and she wants leads. his appearance makes her feel almost irrational in how suddenly she remembers she needs to find her sister's killer.

so, with some part of her screaming that she is being very, very stupid, she offers a deal. vengeance for her sister in exchange for her soul. the demon looks weirdly surprised at this and tells her that her soul won't be necessary, that he needs a crew on his ship and all she needs to do is travel with him. so she accepts, they shake hands, and jay tries to ignore how much her instincts are screaming this is a bad idea.

they set sail two days later on the demon's dingy little ship and begin sailing towards where jay thinks the next largest navy outpost is, and on the way they meet...

GILLION

gillion is an archangel. he's pretty young, all things considered. he's not sure when he came into being, but he's pretty sure he's a replacement for.... someone.

gillion has a destiny, that's for certain. the heavenly council has been training him since his creation for some kind of destiny, though he hasn't really thought to ask what it is. he's sure it's good, though. the heavenly order would never mislead him into committing morally reprehensible acts in the service of a greater cosmic good, right?

his "life" is pretty rigid though. all training, no play, and certainly no contact with the mortal realm, that is, until he follows some of his superiors on their way to bless some admiral of some mortal navy. except... this guy is evil. its written in his the fake smiles, his body language, the way he listens to them with greed in his eyes.

and gillion was destined to smite evil, so he attacks him.

heaven, of course, doesn't take kindly to this, but instead of kicking him from heaven outright, they propose a test of faith: be stripped of most of his divinity and fulfill his destiny within a year in the mortal realm. it's not like he has a choice, so they kick him down to mana with only his sword and a little bit of armor.

he falls into the sea, deep, deep into an undersea trench, where the first thing he sees are a couple tritons. and, yeah, tritons seem pretty cool. so with the last vestiges of whatever divine energy he carries, he becomes a triton and uses his wings (oh thank gods he still has his wings) to propel himself to the surface of the sea.

for a while, he floats adrift, taking in the feeling of being wet and having the sun burn his body where it rests above the waves and the taste of salt on his tongue and the dark spots in his eyes that appear every time he stares too long at the sun. but that's fine. it's.... nice. he can almost forget it's a punishment.

after a day of listless floating, Something appears on the horizon, and then grows closer. its large, and brown, and honestly kind of shabby looking. but it looks cozy, a bit more hospitable than the ocean, and he sends out a dozen silent prayers and thank-yous when the ship suddenly changes course and begins heading Directly for him.

a man pokes his head over the railing of the vehicle and asks if he's okay. his hair is a really pretty color. his eyes kind of remind him of the fires lit to burn sacrifices that he's seen humans make a couple times. a blackened, clawed hand reaches out to grab his, and when they touch, it the crackle in the air feels like the moments just before a smiting lightning strike. he feels forbidden. but gillion's beginning to appreciate the idea of a rebellious phase, so he grips him tightly and lets himself be pulled onboard.

ITEMS OF IMPORTANCE

chip knows what gillion is, gillion does not know what chip is. chip is completely fine with this and is deciding to use it to his advantage in order to do minor devilish activities

what follows is basically the same plot until episode 14, though chip leans a lot more heavily into trickery and temptation

when it's revealed What chip is, gillion is not only Pissed but afraid for jay's soul, convinced that chip has been traveling with her in order to prey and feed upon it. he and chip duel, and gillion wins, as good so often does against evil— but before gillion can smite him and send him back to whence he came, jay steps in and stops him long enough for chip to slip away below deck. she tells gillion she made a deal with him and he blatantly refused her soul, which is why she's travelling with him instead. gillion, now hopeful that he can redeem chip, lets it slide, but. has chip promise to cool it on the demon shit.

the reason why gillion couldn't sense chip being a demon for so long is because he, for some reason, doesn't feel fiendish to him. unfortunately, gillion is too stupid to further entertain this train of thought.

both gillion and chip regain power at the same rate, though their progress is accelerated whenever gillion feels they did something good, and when chip is feeling angry. (this will eventually change)

chip is very bad at being a demon, to the point where he's begun talking jay out of vengeance entirely because it makes him feel bad about making her worse. gillion, ironically, says she should hold herself to her principles and seek justice, in a comical subversion of the angel and devil on her shoulders. they have many an argument about this.

nobody knows chip is Fallen. its one of the main sources of his insecurities and hed rather not have gillion judge him harder, thank you very much.

when chip is offered to have a memory removed by blangus, he attempts to remove his memory of being an angel. this doesn't work, because the memory is a core part of What he is and forgetting that would unmake him. he decides to give up killing a man instead.

gillion's destiny is to bring the rapture. kind of a bummer! gillion's a little in denial about it and the longer he spends with humanity and witnesses their good and their bad and the hope they all carry within them, the more reluctant he is to fulfill his purpose. (it's fine. he has 6 more months to decide. its fine. it's fine. time goes painfully slow for mortals)

eventually the truth of chip's past is revealed, and gillion is Pissed, though not at chip. in hindsight, it's obvious that he was created to replace chip when he Fell, meaning if not him, chip would have been the one to end the world, and that thought sits worse for him than imagining himself doing the deed. perhaps when he gets back to heaven he will demand chip's status be reinstated.

chip is caught between encouraging him to forsake his destiny (he likes humanity, and he likes fucking with heaven's plans) and going along with his destiny to not get kicked out of heaven. falling is painful and awful and he cant imagine gillion playing any role other than good, and he doesn't want him to, because if you're not With heaven, you're a victim of the rapture, and he doesn't want that.

gillion is already halfway on his way to letting himself fall on purpose the more he spends time with jay and chip. he wants to be with chip as long as he can be but every time they touch gillion gets the feeling hes skating on thin ice.

jay is the safest pirate on the sea in terms of other demons and angelic presences trying to fuck with her, both gillion and chip have a deal to smite her father next time they see him.

in chips solo mission with price, he ended up sending him to hell instead of giving him the eye. it is not at all disconcerting that chip can do this

edyn is an angel who helped raise gillion and gave him an immortal soul as a pet. when he was sent to earth it manifested as a frogtopus, and after gillion was sent away edyn followed him to earth and settled down in allport to keep tabs on him through the navy

caspian is Lizzie's guardian angel

anyways theres more but thats the long and not-at-all short of it. hope you like!

[my-mt-heart]

Hi MT,

Im french and i needed to vent about something. I watched the finale when it aired in english. I cried and screamed with joy when he said i love you.

But i rewatched in yesterday, and for the first time, in french. I could not wait to hear "je t aime", also because i love the french voice actor who is quite famous here in the "dubbing" world. But i disgress.

So i watched it in french, with my popcorn, ready to hear "je t aime" . Guess what?

They translated it in... "i care about you, you know" and she answered the same.

I am fucking mad.

What were they afraid of?? That we dont consider it platonic enough?? Im curious to know how it went in other languages, if anyone can help....

I mean if in the original language they were not afraid to use i love you, platonicwise or not, why would they change it in french?? Its bad enough that all the other carylers hates us now because of te spin off 🤣 (joking... hopefully)

That said, Caryl is not the only one who suffered from it.

Rosita's "i'm glad it was you in the end" became "im proud of what you became" which litteraly doesnt mean... the same at all

The guy in the helicopter said to Rick something like "its like HE told you", dont remember the exact words but it definitely was a HE, and it became "I told you". In one case, you hear abt a mysterious character that viewers will probably meet in the spin off, in the other case it means nothing special. Please correct me if im wrong now i have doubts. It was a HE right?? In english

Anyway, i can tell u that it definitely wasnt i love you in french and im pissed beyond mesure.

Im sorry that i cant bring anything positive, i just needed to talk abt it with someone. My friends watch twd but they dont care abt shipping ...🤷‍♀️ lol

Also, now i know that even when i love the french actors that beautifully dubbs my favorite characters's voice, its still better to watch it in the original language... so much is lost in translation, or worse

Some languages translated “I love you” in a romantic context, others didn’t. It’s a really tedious task going through scripts and making notes to avoid miscommunication, and some things unfortunately get overlooked. I don’t think that’s the case here though. The real issue has nothing to do with the dubbing at all, it was the insistence on keeping Caryl’s relationship ambiguous. We can talk about body language and micro expressions all day, but the bottom line is Caryl fans shouldn’t have been expected to connect the dots for themselves after waiting years for the payoff. It was an obvious marketing ploy, a way to put a band-aid on the spinoff fiasco while making it safe enough to reinvent Daryl in the spinoff 🤦‍♀️

The thing is, Caryl fans still cherish that milestone in their relationship. Daryl spoke with conviction. It was a promise, not a goodbye as some have put it, so how the hell are we supposed to buy that he’s feeling uncertain again in the spinoff? How is that “tension” going to make us feel anything other than irritated? Carol is riding Daryl’s bike, crossing a damn ocean, and probably retracing his steps to find him. What’s Daryl doing to get back to her, specifically her, not just “people.” Not just “them.” 🤨 I don’t want to waste my time looking for subtle clues here and there. If the payoff starts with Carol, that’s whose story I want to follow to get there.

Sorry, I had some venting to do myself. I have no clue about the helicopter scene lol

[actualbird]

Hey! I was curious about how you enjoyed Luke's second birthday card as the snippets I've seen of it are kind of steamy, so I'm wondering if anything actually happens in it. I'd see for myself but I'm saving for another card unfortunately.

Thank you in advance!

hi anon! i havent played through my own SSR Dark Ripple yet but i did watch it in advanced when the card came out last year on cn server and the story is seared in my memory HAHA

(DISCLAIMER: take all of these with a grain of salt tho, bc it has been a whole year, and idk if some things were changed from the translation last year!)

long story short: no, nothing spicy Actually happens (and by spicy i mean "fucking", and by Actually i mean "written into the story with absolutely no doubt that fucking is what they did"), as those steamy moments are largely up to interpretation and/or cut to the next scene pretty promptly.

the steamy moments really are not the focus of the card's overall story, and are instead like....seasoning sprinkled around

for a more detailed rundown of the steamy moments (which will inevitably contain some spoilers) ive listed them under the cut :D

this card involves luke undercover as a cold, intimidating, and even cruel persona who goes by the alias "Raven" (which.....my god luke, u couldnt even think of a fake name that isnt ur codename? jHVKJAHSVKDFJAH) and mc joins the fray of this undercover mission as raven's arm candy who hes very protective over

the particular steamy scenes i think you could be talking about:

early the card story, to establish his cover character more raven!luke eithrer [EDIT: THIS IS A STORY CHOICE BASIS] 1) makes mc get on her knees and clean up a drink she spilled on his shoes so that they make a scene. or 2) pushes mc to the couch and pins her there, quietly telling her to resist so that they make a scene.

later on, they then go to a room alone to discuss case things more freely, but due to the fear of the room being bugged and surveilled, luke and mc have to stay very close. theres some talk of a mirror that Could be a two-way mirror, and theyre eventually interrupted by the Big Bad of this story when he goes into the room. it is this moment where mc straddles luke, so they wouldnt look suspicious like they were talking about the case and instead were in the middle of a passionate moment

later later on, luke starts getting a headache/fever which are side effects of a drug he took before the mission. this drug upped his alcohol tolerance so he could still drink during the night (and thus not be suspicious), but he does have to deal with those symptoms. mc doesnt like luke having any symptoms tho, so luke goes to the bathroom which hAS NO DOOR (????? WHO DESIGNED THIS MANSION AHSFVKJASH) and goes into the bathtub wiTH HIS SHIRT STILL ON (???? LUKE????) and he has a moment there thats teasing cuz mc was like "i wont peek!" and luke was like "im not bothered by that" and then he gets in the bathtub

the bathtub scene is Literally Steamy, because the water is a bit warm and theres literal steam everywhere. mc goes into the bathroom because she wants to help luke, and luke says something like "stimuli elsewhere can help distract from the pain" and then mc provides him Stimuli Elsewhere

again, largely left to interpretation Where that Elsewhere Stimuli is

lastly, in the scene towards the very end, mc and luke are back in their childhood home and for some reason (i forgot...i need to read through my own card soon i swear) mc is sitting on a table and luke is very close

given all of these, there are several points where a lot of thirsty fans (me, it's me, im thirsty fans, but tHERE ARE OTHERS TOO HAJKFVSKJHF) have filled in some blanks as moments where things couldve gotten intimate. but again, since it's not written undoubtedly in the story itself, it's left to interpretation, and so in my eyes, it doesnt truly count as fucking actually happen

schrodinger's steam, is what i'll call this phenomenon HAHJSDVFKJS

i hope this helps! :D

[ask-serendipity-sky]

im gonna be a little harsh, please excuse me in advance. im not really into ships, though i like jikook and jihope interactions (i see jihope purely as strong friendship, as for jikook... i have some doubts, they dont really look like brothers, well, not always; jimin is sure to have a soft spot for jk - always had - and jk sometimes looks... obsessed with jimin?). i used to love yoonmin some time ago (not just as close friends but i smelt smth romantic between them), but 3 or 4 years ago they "died". i dont know what exactly happened between them but it even seemed to me that they hated each other. now they are just ok.

so now about the topic i want to elaborate on. jungkook and jimin. jungkook and taehyung.

we've seen taehyung posted a lot of stuff about him and jk and i have an opinion he did it on purpose. as if he wanted to boost his popularity? no hate there - each celebrity does smth like this - but he did it with clear aim. he knows what ship is most popular in the fandom and he knows that majority of taekookers are tae-biased. so he went and did it. probably - if his relationship with jenny is true - to camouflage it.

now about jungkook. he didn't talk about taehyung much but he mentioned jimin a lot. no, A LOT. probably he doesnt approve taekook or he just understands that tae's efforts are pretty much enough. though i thank him for being such a supporter for jimin (i thought that was only about support, not some jikook boost), now as i've seen his photos i have this strange feeling... was it also on purpose? it just doesnt go OK in my mind. whether it wasnt him who chose the outfit (questions to company then?) or he just did the same thing taehyung did. i mean: what can be more earthshaking then pressing on one of the most popular ships? and we know that (UNFORTUNATELY) today's fandom is more about shipping members with each other than about their music.

all in all, i have a feeling now both jk and taehyung are up to smth not really healthy. im very jimin-biased and i dont like what's happening now. everything jk and tae do have some consequences for jimin and most of them are bad.

what do you think? if we talk about these things not from romantic side (ex awwww jk misses jimin so much he wants us to know they are together kyaaaa blabla), but from antiromantic/business reality.

sorry for mistakes, english not my first language and i practiced it about 5 years ago ahah

Hi anon,

I understand what you are saying because the concept photos are a hard thing for me to understand as well and that's coming from someone who think jikook is together and a hardcore Jimin fan.

If we take out the jikook lens and are completely objective, none of this makes sense.

We now know that Jk told the stylist what he wanted to wear and was specific with things such as mud in the pants.

If we were to look at it from a business point, we can say that Jk copied Jimin because Jimin's concepts and album were cohesive and successful. By emulating what Jimin did, he would attract attention and people would be interested to know if his music is also somewhat related to Jimin therefore he increases numbers.

But also, would the "outside world" really notice the similarities? Or is that a thing that only solos, hardcore fans, and shippers notice?

If we look at this from a jikooker point of view, we can say they thought of this together and they are trying to tell the world that Jk and Jimin's journey was together.

But then the same question arises, would the "outside world" really notice the similarities? Or is that a thing that only solos, hardcore fans, and shippers notice?

I think Jungkook doesn't get anything out of either scenario other than approval from jikookers. And we know Tae has done things, on a much much smaller scale to get approval from taekookers. I don't think it's fair to compare because it is one thing to name drop on a 2 minute live and another to do an official photoshoot.

Since I believe jikook is together, I don't think that Jk is doing this to hurt Jimin although his actions, such as fans service, have resulted in hate for Jimin. But I see why people who don't ship jikook are apprehensive about Jk.

Ultimately, we probably will never know why this was done. The only person who could ever explain this would be Jimin and I doubt he will.

If this continues, and Jimin also does this with his next music, then we can conclude that this is more of a pattern since it would be both showing us something instead of just Jungkook.

I don't think I answered your question lol because there is not really an answer!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[suenitos]

novito it really is. That Bad. like the city is named terremoto 😭😭😭 hablando más en serio realmente está sumamente encausada en estereotipos but it doesn't really work because it uses ALL latinoamerican cultures; pretending latam is just A Conglomerate of One culture is harmful for the representation of the community, and it does not only missrepresent but reproduce annoying stereotypes. the problem is honestly a lack of self awareness and the reiteration of latam as Just One Culture instead of a sea of very unique and interesting cultures. it's really annoying that with the resources and posibilities disney has, theyve settled for such a missrepresentative and honestly lazy product <- opinion as latino from there yknow . like i dont doubt some of the Magnitude of the response from twitter is from itbeign twitter but it Is really bad . Also sowrry for the bible and feel free to not respond or post LMAO

thank you for your perspective nunkito. OH fuck i forgot about the terremoto thing yeah that's bad. i do agree with the conglomeration thing FOR SURE thats what always annoys me about latino rep in general. i also forgot to mention that people compared this concept to the casagrandes/loud house which, to be fair, that show doesn't have a monopoly on large families but in general i understand that people are tired of seeing similar stories like that where latino = huge family and want more diversity in represented latino families to AVOID those stereotypes. it definitely presents a specific idea of what we are to non-latino people which really sucks if you dont fit into that from all angles. the lack of cultural specificity is always an issue with these projects and in the us i still think the common generalization is latino = mexican which is telling and why we NEED those cultural distinctions i do agree.

the product itself im not super offended by but the greater process behind it is a huge issue i wish the social media outrage articulated more because on its own it just looks like a hate mob. but nuance doesnt exist and neither does tone on the internet :/ which sucks.

also the fact that there doesnt seem to be many latino voices BEHIND the project to LEND that specificity and cultural awareness for a specific nationality/culture to be represented is really unfortunate and that's what a lot of people were at least implying too. im a bit on the fence because on one hand why are we trusting DISNEY with presenting accurate rep but at the same time they gave incredible projects like encanto coco and the owl house so how do we make sure we get people who know wtf theyre talking about to lead and produce these projects and infiltrate the anglo ass system. its just............. rghghghghghhhhh. its not like im completely ecstatic that it exists but im also more miffed that the energy is going so strongly to this over literally anything else going on affecting us. maybe thats also algorithmic bias bringing that outrage to me though.. life is hell.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Alrightyyyyy, I just watched the 2018 JCS Concert version and its probably my least favorite version of this musical so far and, unless theres another 'official' proshot of it that Im not aware of yet, I have little doubt that this will be my least favorite professional version. Its not bad, theres certainly things to enjoy but theyre mostly smaller details and I dont really think the whole managed to be greater than those smaller parts, yknow?

Something that I enjoyed overall as someone whos watched and analysed three other versions of this musical before watching this one, is that there were a lot of points where I could tell that the people behind this were inspired by previous versions but still trying to put their own spin on it and not directly copy certain ideas, that was fun

The camera work was fine, there were a few shots that felt kinda awkward like one where Pilate or some other character I dont really remember, just stares dead into the camera with such a weird expression, it made me cringe a little, but otherwise I dont have much to say about it. I unfortunately dont have a whole lot to say about the staging or lighting or costumes either when I usually talk a lot about those so Im expecting this post to be on the shorter side just for that lmao. Like with the musical overall, those elements arent bad theyre more just lacking or dont quite come together as a whole. I did really like the set though, that sort of under construction cathedral looks really cool and it fits this more abstract telling of the story. It kinda reminded me of the 2000s version, which was also a lot more abstract than either the 73 or 2012 versions but was bogged down by these weird occasional half-hearted attempts at more modern political commentary, which this 2018 version doesnt have so I think its an improvement in that way. And just to be clear, I dont have an issue with newer versions of JCS trying for more relevant political commentary at all, I think its actually very appropriate, they just didnt do a very good job at it in the 2000s one and it honestly seemed like they were going to have the same issues in this version at the very start but they didnt, so that was good. The direction in the 2000s movie is wayyyyyy better though and I found it more enjoyable overall despite that and despite really disliking the lead actors

Speaking of which, I actually didnt really like most of the performers in this one. Judas started out great, he reminded me a lot of 73!Judas which is high praise from me since thats my favorite version and when I rewatched it I was metaphorically laying on my stomach with my head propped up on my hands kicking my legs back and forth like a middleschooler with a crush whenever he was on screen. Unfortunately I do think he got a bit worse over the course of the show to the point where he was 'just' good, which, hey, thats still not bad at all and pretty enjoyable to watch and listen to but still a bit of a disappointment because I honestly thought he did an amazing job with Heaven On Their Minds and even in Strange Thing, Mystifying (although that song had a bit of a weak start imo) and his part in Everything's Alright so the decline was still pretty noticeable. I did like his body language and the way he characterized Judas though

This Jesus was kind of a funny one because based on his appearance and vibes alone he probably has the most Just Some Guy energy out of all the Jesuses Ive seen which is saying a lot and yknow, I enjoy that. And then he opens his mouth to sing for the first time and its absolutely amazing and Im like WOAHH because his voice instantly makes me Get why people would wanna listen to this guy and follow him and stuff. Like, I think Jesus is a very difficult role because you have to balance coming across as detached from the people around him because hes experiencing stuff they genuinely cant understand with coming across as charismatic enough to make it believable that this cult of personality would form around while not making him come across as too much of a holier-than-thou asshole, and I think casting a pretty unassuming guy with a kind of stiff but fairly unremarkable way of holding himself but whose voice is very powerful wouldve been an excellent way to portray him. Im saying 'would have' because while hes great for his first few lines and has some moments where I think he really shines sprinkled throughout the musical, but overall he just kinda gets worse from song to song imo. Its not even like hes good for the entire first act and then gets weirdly bad in the second one, like the reverse of 2012!Jesus who was pretty weak in the first act but then randomly got really good in the second one, he just gets progressively worse its a real shame. But I still wanna mention those moments where he really shines, spoiler alert theyre mostly when he gets angry; when hes yelling at Judas in Strange Thing, Mystifying, hes pretty good in The Temple, both when hes yelling n shit and when he has that short quiet verse between the two parts and during his parts in Trial Before Pilate. Funnily enough those parts are also all parts I really liked in the 1973 german version and his delivery is very similar to that Jesus but thats just a coincidence lol

I also have a lot of things to say about like, the non-singing parts of his performance but in the interest of not talking about Jesus for too much bc I still have a lot of other stuff to talk about, Im just gonna talk about something I noticed during Simon Zelotes in this. In the other versions Ive watched it was pretty clear that Jesus was uncomfortable during that part and I noticed that he really wasnt in this 2018 one, which I initially found interesting (in a positive way) because I hadnt seen that interpretation before but then I thought about it some more afterwards and I was like, ohhhhhh yeah, theres a reason I havent seen that interpretation before huh. I think him being perfectly comfortable during this scene makes him feel a lot more, idk if this is the right word exactly, thoughtless ? he feels very No Thoughts, Head Empty, is what Im trying to say. And it makes him come across as less complex and kind of undermines a big running theme in this musical which is that no one really understands Jesus because hes mentally ill on a mission from god. Also, Simon Zelotes very much feels like its trying to comment on the hollow nature of praying to a guy whose actual teachings you dont really follow and that really loses its impact when Jesus just like. agrees, basically. On top of that it makes Poor Jerusalem kinda come out of nowhere so that makes for a weird experience

So, since Ive talked about Jesus and Judas individually I also wanted to spare some time to talk about what theyre like together since their relationship is a pretty big focus. I dont have a lot to say about the kiss that I havent already said in my first post about this version, its awkward I hate how the hug thats supposed to happen afterwards comes in weirdly too late, I did not like it. at all. And after I made that initial post I realized that part of the reason it felt so weird and awkward is probably because they have basically no physical contact with each other before (or after) this and like. Theres a lot of physical contact between Mary and Jesus and Mary and Peter and I think there was atleast an attempt from her to reach out to Judas and touch his arm at some point and when you pay attention to the extras theres a lot of touching going on too, especially during the The Last Supper which is yknow, the scene that almost directly procedes the kiss so its like, extra noticeable. And its extra weird because theres a lot more physical contact between Jesus and Judas in other versions and in this one its like they wont even stand too close to each other for some reason.

Anyway, moving on to a character that I usually dont have a lot to say about: Mary. I like her but shes not that complex and while her songs definitely definitely arent bad (bc none of the songs in this show are bad imo) theyre not necessarily songs I would listen to on their own, but again, I like her and I think she usually manages to seem interesting even when the play doesnt really focus on her. So it surprised me that they could make her so bland in this one. Ive thought about this for quite a while now and I still cant quite get a handle on why exactly she comes across like that, but I think its because shes lacking that bit of edge that Mary had in the previous versions Ive watched. Like, in the 1973 movie shes kinda grimy because everyone is kinda grimy (I think 70s movies are just kinda like that) and I remember her voice having a bit of roughness to it and she did come across as a bit cold on my first watch, like, I was obviously expecting her to be a pseudo-love interest for Jesus but thats just because Im aware of certain conventions that dictate that any piece of media needs some kind of romantic subplot, not because she actually came across as romantically interested in him. Then in the 2000s version she was pretty passive agressive towards Judas and they did some stuff to make them more obvious foils of each other and Ive talked about this before, this ended up making Judas come across as really weird and bad there but I do think Mary came out of it as more interesting so that was neat. In the 2012 version I'll admit its mostly just her outfit that makes her come across as interesting to me but idk, I also really like this actress and it was neat to see her do stuff with the rest of the ensemble in the background sometimes and she definitely never came across as generic in the same way that 2018!Mary did.

The most interesting things she did were, in this order: go up to Judas after Jesus yelled at him in Strange Thing, Mystifying and he walked away, her touching everyone and calming them down at the start of Everything's Alright and her sitting down between Jesus and Judas and holding both their hands for a moment before leaving to put a candle on the table at the start of The Last Supper. And one of those things wasnt even really interesting! And honestly, shes essentially the Token Girl Character of this very male-centric play and those almost always play this kind of mediator role, so this doesnt really help in making her feel less generic to me. Also, like, idk if this really makes sense as a complaint but I feel like encapsulates my issues with this Mary and its that, when she was doing I Don't Know How To Love Him and she got to the line "I'm the one who's always been/So calm, so cool, no lovers fool" I was just like "sorry girlie, I dont believe you, youve got massive Lover's Fool vibes" yknow. Moving on

I dont have much to say about Caiaphas, Annas and their goons, they were all pretty good. My main issue with them was that they were oddly quiet during This Jesus Must Die but honestly thats an issue with the entire production. Like, idk if something went wrong or if it was meant to be like this bit I was watching this on my computer with the volume wayyyy louder than I usually have it and it was still really quiet for some reason. The fact that the audience would applaud whenever a song ended or whenever a character entered or reentered the stage didnt help bc its like, most of these songs come one right after the other with nary a break inbetween bc they obviously didnt accomodate for that and it doesnt make for a very pleasant viewing experience. But back to the priests, I wanted to give a special shoutout to that guy that sings the line "A rabbel rousing mission that I think we must ABORT" I think hes great, hes absolutely insane, hes a white boy off the shits and I love him for it

Speaking of off the shits white boys, I also really liked Simon. I dont actually remember what his singing was like or if I thought it was good or not, I just remember him going wild on stage while looking like the older version of a Die Wilden Kerle movie villain (if youre not german or didnt watch those, please google "Die Wilden Kerle Gonzo", "Die Wilden Kerle Fabi" and "Die Wilden Kerle Darkside" to understand this joke) and sometimes thats really all you need. Also, during The Last Supper everyone is being very effectionate with each other and I love that Simon is included in that. Like, hes this horrible little man whos done nothing except advocate for violence and look, hes got a friend who hugs him, hes got a woman who hugs him and hes got a guy friend who comforts him when their spiritual leader/maybe friend? has a mental breakdown and starts yelling at all of them all of a sudden. Love that for him

I didnt like Pilate though. He did a good job I guess, but idk the vibes just werent right with him. Funnily enough I had the exact opposite of that issue with Herod, whose vibes were absolutely impeccable but whose singing was just kinda strange and underwhelming. I did like him going up to the audience during that dance break to be like "Whos your king?" or whatever, thats was neat

Thats it as far as my thoughts on the cast go, it wasnt great but I did really like the ensemble. I dont have too much to say about the individual musical numbers which is why I didnt split this post up the way I did my 2012 JCS post. I dont think they did anything particularly noteworthy or striking with the chereography or the lighting that wasnt done better in other version, the most interesting part was really the fact that there were two 'audience-walls'. What I mean by that is that, usually when you have a stageplay you have your set which has three actual walls and then one non-literal wall that the audience can see the story through, but this one has two, its like a rectangle with two sides missing essentially. But they still dont do too much with that, the staging of certain numbers is a bit more dynamic than it would be on a traditional stage (like Damned For All Time/Blood Money for example) and it seems like the performers have a bit more freedom to move and turn around and whatnot but thats about it.

One thing that I did really enjoy was the use of these white scarves. They show up during Hosanna for the first time and the ensemble members and Jesus all wave them around, they look cool and I like how actually wear them and put them around their heads during Jesus' second verse. Soon after that we get The Temple, which I think couldve been better, especially the first part, but during the beggars part the ensemble is also wearing scarves (I think theyre more of a light gray but its kinda hard to tell with the lighting) and I know its a stretch to say that this is supposed to be some sortof parallel or whatever between the two scenes because theres only so many ways you can wear a scarf but idk, I really like the idea of contrasting these two scenes where Jesus is surrounded by his followers. Im pretty sure the next time they appear its during The Last Supper scene where they all have them around their shoulders and then when they all use them as blankets when they go to sleep at the end, I thought that was really cute. Also, Mary puts a scarf around Judas' shoulders and Im pretty sure its light gray instead of white which could be a nod to The Temple scene earlier but I actually think its meant to kindof tie in to Jesus' outfit. I just realized I havent talked about the costuming at all but Jesus is wearing all white with a light gray jacket over it, so yeah. The next time the white scarves make an appearance is during Pilate And Christ, all the ensemble members wrap them around their chests like some sort of faux toga and then they take them back off for that mini Hosanna reprise and wave them around like they did during the song proper. The last appearance of these scarves is during Judas' Death, they're scattered all over the floor and he picks them up and hangs himself with them. I think I wouldve preferred it if he just kept that scarf Mary gave him and hanged himself with that but at the same time this is really good and interesting too, yknow, hes hanging himself using whats essentially a symbol Jesus-worship while telling god its his fault that hes doing it. good stuff

I was getting close to ending it here but remembering that I forgot to say anything about the costuming earlier caused me to remember all the thoughts I had about it but Ive already spent too much time writing this and Im starting to forget stuff, so here are my basic thoughts about the costuming in a quick bullet point list:

the outfits do an overall better job at actually looking cool and/or punk than they did in either the 2000s or the 2012 version, although i might just feel that way because theyre the most up-to-date fashion-wise

Pilates outfit was really weird and I still dont know what to think about it, I wouldve probably liked it more if they cast a different actor with better vibes

Herods outfit was great, no notes

I didnt like those background dancer outfits, they looked like bird-themed strippers and they wouldve felt more appropriate for the first half of The Tempel (that part was also in desperate need of some dancing, basically all they did there was rub their faces against a table full of glitter for about two minutes)

Judas outfit feels like an upgrade of the one from the 2000s version, he actually looked cool, h wore red and he showed some cleavage!! Not as much as the 73 version but still

JUDAS GOT TO WEAR WHITE AGAINNN well, he got to wear an outfit covered in white rhinestones which really looked more silvef but I dont think Im getting anything better than this at this point so I'll take it

I like that Mary wore orange like in the 1973 version and her dress was very beautiful but the lighting was kept very cool/neutral throughout most of the show so it made her stick out when she wasnt supposed to and it was really distracting

I like that all the ensemble members wear white and gray outfits for the crucifixion again, to tie in to Jesus' outfit

So yeah, Conclusion Time

I'd give this one a solid 6.5/10, for reference I thought both the 1973 movie and the 2000 recording were 7/10s and the 2012 version was an 8/10. Maybe thats a pretty high score for a proshot that I didnt have a lot of kind things to say about but idk, at the end of the day I still had fun listening to and watching a musical I really enjoyed

[diah-the-demon]

yeah this really feels like we're somewhere on stage talking into a microphone as people pass by and can listen, but yeah agreed, it feels weird when it's not tumblr skljdlsk

ooh I hope you can go there then!! I've had one in my area for a few years that was star wars, star trek and doctor who focused and it was so much fun,, unfortunately with covid coming around it has ended </3 missing it greatly

and oh no D: yeah unfortunately the kids toys break so easily which surprises me ngl,,, you'd expect kids toys to be a bit more sturdy given that kids will play around with it wildly and ksljdslk omg that sounds adorable ngl!! I think I know which masks you mean, I still see kids wearing them every now and then around halloween or carnival

yeah,,, I've gottten a tiny bit better by now (and by that I mean: I will get it but feel bad about it instead of not getting it and feeling sad about that klsjdlsk) I hope you'll eventually get better with it as well! it's so sad how much stuff like this can linger on your brain TT-TT

yeah I think it said 7 more days, so I hope I'll have enough time bcs her shedule changed and now she's at work so I can't ask her TT-TT hopefully it'll last til the weekend when we could order it (if she says yes skldjslk I doubt she wouldn't but still skjdlsk)

okay, yeah, your bookshelf is definitely already cool! But yeah the helmets are going to make it even better, no matter where exactly they will be placed klsdjl

yeah you coudl probably figure it out on your own once you get the basics, even if it is for another set of armor at first! With the basic understanding that should definitely be doable!!

and hmm, I've not build armor yet myself (will have to do so eventually tho,,, I wanna cosplay one of HI3 Himekos battlesuits after all ksjdsl) but it does already sound like a solid idea!! but yeah until you know if it works or not you have an idea at least so that's a good start!

yeah im still not used to it but i think its quite nice to have smth like a constant conversation like this thats lasted almost a full day now jdsljkds, i think its a nice change of pace jdsklkjds

hopefully i can get there when its being held! im not sure when it happens each year but il look that up later and see if i can find dates (hopefully im not gonna be busy when it happens dsjlkkdsj) and awww that sucks, i hope they come back eventually it would suck if it died off forever </3

yeah idk why they were so fragile, they weren't big so i think they were probably childrens sized ones that we had, it doesnt make much sense to expect kids to not hit 2 lightsabers together in a duel like come on

IT WAS! i dont think i have any pictures of it sadly </3 i wouldnt have even had a phone yet probably i think so pictures would probably be on my mums phone

the mask was so cool, it even had a voice changer in it! it was fucking awesome, when you breathed it would replace it with the darth vader breathing sound AND it would even make you sound like vader when you spoke!! idk how something from when i was a kid was able to do something like that but it was awesome. sadly the voice changer in it died a while ago, it still slightly worked but not consistently last time i put it on D:

yeah hopefully we both fully get over it eventually, i probably start to until either her or i move out, but yeah its so weird how it stick in your head so long, i need to refresh my brain so i can get it out lkdsjdjsl

dont want to make you feel like you need to do it sooner but it said 7 days yesterday and also today.. i didnt check how long it was when i bought my stuff (i bought the stuff on the 5th) but it might've been 7 days still.. altho i guess by the weekend it would still be 7 days after that.. hopefully it is still on by the time you talk to her!! (just checked and it might be going on until they completely sell out?? its a clearance sale so maybe? idk id probably do it sooner rather than later just incase tho)

Oh btw when you do place your order they will email you to verify the card (send a picture of the last 4 digits to confirm. It is a little bit sus but ive seen no one say this one is a scam so i dont think it is, plus they cant rlly do much with only the last 4 digits)

thank you!! it will def look so much cooler when i get the helmets in! still need to figure out where i can put the 2 extras apart from ontop of the bookshelf cause too many on there doesnt seem too good idk

yeah that sounds like the plan il do for this, try the basics, might try doing clone trooper armour to begin with if its not harder than mandalorian cause il have captain rex's helmet! imagine a female clone trooper tho that'd be so cool (totally not so i can check out her tits shush jdskls, i mean there was a female clone of jango but she isnt a trooper, and is a child since i dont think she had the accelerated growth the others did? idk not that caught up in that bit of lore)

i think its probably what they are going to say to do, i doubt they would stitch/pin it right to the bodysuit cause that would be a pain to take off (imagine having to go to the toilet after putting it on that would be so annoying to take off skdjdslkj) if it all goes well il share the progress so you can take some tips on building the armour for himeko jlsdkdjs!!

[transmandrake]

Well, went to see avatar 2 yesterday. Had a lot of thoughts on it, that I have almost certainly forgotten.

To sum up, if you liked the first one you'll like the second. It unfortunately and unsurprisingly has similar weakpoints/critiscisms to the first, but, I think plotwise its stronger than the first (which isn't hard to do lol) but simultaneously has bigger weak points (at least 2 aspects that... contribute nothing)

Full spoilers obviously, but uh. Theres not really any huge revelations here. Its the first one again with more layers and also less on account of parts already being done.

The good:

The creatures obviously. Not asss strong as the first but well water-based life has a lot more restrictions tbh. Theres a reason a lot of unrelated fish look the same. The setting felt less alien and I'll be real Subnautica has already, excuse the pun, blown the standard for ocean spec bio out of the water, and wellll look, if its true they made these films ages ago but couldnt release them, thats a shame, it would have felt more innovative in a pre-subnautica world.

The Na'vi felt a lot more fleshed out in this one, a good sense there's a lot more to them than. Uncomfortable Space Native American Metaphor. However a bad point ahead completely dries up a ton of, and a ton of future, development to them as Not Just Space Native American Metaphors. Siiiiigh.

I liked that we got to see, well, more Na'vi who werent avatars! People critiscise their designs for being too human but the sequel makes it WAY more clear that the avatars are essentially *half human* and that the actual Na'vi are considerably more alien looking. This take annoys me so much I am a Na'vi Design Defender this is my Hill to Die On except the feet. God i hate their people feet. And that they dont have the neck holeess whhhyyy???

Stronger plot! Yes it's essentially the same film again in terms of Moral or whatever but its less of a straight course. The beginning was very strong, though I honestly felt it was contrived the reason they leave at all. I think staying in the forest and developing it more would be a better idea plot and setting-wise but its fiiiine. Its been ages maybe moving on was a good choice long term.

The sorta side plots of the kids, the outcast whale, they were good! I liked them! It added a bit more than just Same Movie Again but Water.

The bad:

Its still Avatar. It still has, a lot of questionable choices. Why does the water chief guy have a cape made seemingly of feathers. Have you seen a single feathered animal in avatar. Why not. Dried fish fins. Sea plant fabric. Something that isnt Feathers. You and I know why its feathers. And its a shame. Same as the first movie, it burns inside me there probably were innovative original ideas that got scrapped in favor of making the Na'vi read as. Well. Space Native Americans and now Space.... Maori? Like, the tattoos. :///// C'mooon its a cool idea in concept (whale tattoos. Amazing.) but youre just... taking that.. its just. Siiiigh. I really do hope its true this is actually like, technically a ten year old movie. It doesnt of course *excuse* all that but if you had decades to make another and you didnt listen to a major critiscism of the first that is easily fixable? Unexcusable.

And uh hey why does Jake have dreads. Maybe I didnt notice this in the first in which, okay, that's established if still a Wierd Choice, but uhh. I dont remember any of the navi having dreads, or curls or whatever at all... Their hair is kept around their neural link whip thing... Why'd they. Do that. The new water people had some curls which was cool, I shouldve paid attention to notice if they still had the neural hair braid. Cuz i really hope they just have a tentacle sticking out of their head when the hair isn't there that'd be cool. But yeahh ummm. Giving the White Guy dreads. I'm more of a benefit-of-the-doubt giver you can maybe tell but uhhhhh. I can't really think of a plausible reason for that choice that makes it not look. Bad.

Oh I forgot, the bad point I mentioned. The film translates Na'vi.

*sssssssiiigggghhhh*

Whyyyyyyyyyyy

You made a whole languaaaageee

Theres so much culture you could have addeeeeeddd via the languaaaageee

There is the sea sign language which I hope was a conlang at least. But uugggghhh.

It's just crushing. The whole reason I make conlangs, this movie. And well it's not gonna happen anymore.

:[

Some of the plot points are useless. Why does the human kid exist. I thought he'd be a cool way to take the plot but uhhhh they do nothing with him! His only contribution was funny backtalk (which the other kids did better) and saving the Colonel. Which. Whhhyyy.

And the dreads again. Why? The colonel's a pasty white guy. Its already wierd for him to have a kid that wasnt mentioned or foreshadowed at all but. Huh???????? What. Why.

Speaking of, I really liked the Colonel as a villain in the first movie for his over the top villainy and generally likeable hateableness. I'd be fine with him being a returning villain... but hes just not as interesting and hes just. Boring this time. And well he's not dead so he's coming back again. Okay. I'd have preferred the exploitative whale hunter guys to have been the main villain here. They weren't developed much at all. Did they even get names???

In general the villains motivations were wierd. He just wants to kill Jake. What happened to unobtainium. The whale guys want the whales eternal life juice, cool. That goes nowhere really in favour of Kill Jake. Why aren't they colonising the forest now they know he's gone. I still don't see how him leaving was a good idea.

Conclusion:

In general I work on a basis of liking things as I know they Could Have Been rather than What They Are. Avatar is one of the best things ever from that point of view and I will defend that point of view, because I like being contrarian and well I want. More things like it to succeed.

But it's not that in reality. It's flawed, but in a way that is fundamentally... fixable. It's not like where I don't like something because at its core it cannot Get Better. But the Avatar in my head's real good.

Again, if the rest of it's creative production went how the music supposedly did... we were robbed.

Here's to a bunch more maybe? Hopefully of continuous improvements but uhh it's Avatar. I would be happy with more of the same which is prolly what its gonna be so yay for me and my low standards?

[kusundei]

its just everything is . attached w a sort of guilt. a doubt. i could probably work through it like i did in the beginning but this is also just incredibly different. because there was no reason for me to be so doubtful then. it truly was just a self hatred and it went away as easily as it did then because of how we were moving and i didnt even really have anything to condemn myself over. now i do. i really really do. i can shake off the feeling momentarily but it just keeps coming back and i mean its okay? im supposed to feel like this i just. truly am just hoping jt doesnt stick to me forever. i just feel too selfish if i get over it now and this quickly. of course i’ll always sort of be repenting over jt but j dont want him to think that i think everything is okay bdcause im acting normal. because jt rlly isnt okay and im not giving myself the benefit of the doubt. id just rather do everything in my power to make it better for him. i would truly do anything and give up anything for the sake of him and i think this has also just festered some old ideals of mine. trying to remain less self sacrificial as i did before and less overbearing and desperate and burdening but its all sort of just coming back to me. that i truly have taken hundreds of steps back from where i was before. ir isnt even an issue within the relationship entirely - like i know . i knowww what i did and yeah it did change something for us and holy fuck do i feel horrible about it because j hate. hatehatehate change especially change that takes me back to a worse position but its just an issue within myself where i. failed again. i try sososo hard each time to be different. to change something , to be as small as possible , as helpful as possible , to help and not to hurt but god forbid. hurt people hurt people? but even then that saying doesnt help me at all. nothing really lessens the blow if you truly consider it because it is just all the same and im just learning to acknowledge my faults without trying to sugarcoat it

i dont know. i just. really really hate myself. but its not like this is a new feeling? its just worse because its related to the fact that i hurt the one person i never wanted to hurt but jts always like that isnt it? i will always. find a way. to hurt someone. because unfortunately at my core thats just kind of who i am. i can try as hard as i want to prove to other people and to myself that im not the way that i am but deep down i do still acknowledge it. the reason why id always rather hurt myself over and over again because why should it be at the cost of others? and even now ive just done it again. again again and again. but no what cycle? there is no cycle? surely? im just perpetuating something that isnt true. hell and w my doubts as well i mean like im . realistic. i know he probably does still mean it its just the fact that its probably less is whats bad. but then again of course that was bound to happen? its just upsetting. i just feel so hypocritical. whenever he says things like that i so desperately want to believe him like i did before but i just cant get over myself and jts honestly sickening. i mean i just. idk. its happening exactly how i said earlier how if im alone too long i’ll just start thinking ab it again but im trying to remember today as well. i felt better after a while. could look him in the eyes again. felt sorta okay and better ab touching him and being physical i suppose. started talking more and was joking w him and being. normal. its just at moments during that id think about it again and be like? who am i? why am i being normal again? but i kept just trying to ignore jt. sorta just a refusing tk let myself think before i do anything which is honestly the same thing as me being delirious and preferring it that way i judt wish i could get it all to stop or something. idk im just running in circles. i just feel so. bittersweet. looking at things still. that i miss him and that i wish he was here and i want to be around him all the time and talk to him and etcetcetc. i truly ammm just. not letting myself get over it because im being stubborn but i also still just feel condemned. of course not by him jusr truly by myself? idk i jusf. im normal. but who am i. ? i still probably wont let myself be. myself. for a bit. just feels like too much. even in private i do feel guilty just looking at things. being like ohhh my boyfriend ^_^ like. god. i still have a boyfriend? but thats too condemning im. getting that ache again. idk ive flung the hoodie to the other side of the bed because i still feel too bad about it. wont go through my photo gallery wont sleep to his voice till i am. more deserving. i suppose. till i know for sure its okay and i condemn myself a little less

iiiii. am. normal. i mean? as normal as i’ll ever be.? its just like. yeah no i feel better sort of but thats also the bad part. oh bcuz who am i.? im trying again not to condemn myself over it but i cant exactly help feeling bad whenever iiii feel okay again. who am i to be normal??? to act like everything js okay and nothing happened?? its just. incredibly selfish. half the reason i keep just kind of distracting myself is because if i am alone for too long j will start thinking about it and i’ll be evil but isnt that whats supposed to be happening anyway? im not relinquished of anything. he can be as kind and sweet as he wants because he truly is just at his core but he is. way too kind to me when i am so incredibly undeserving.

ive always sort of felt undeserving of everything regarding him but i chose to look past it because i am better. i am a good person i am okay and i can be better and im not condemned to my past but idk. this just reminds me that no i am still selfish and i am still not . really a good person. it really has just kind of brought the attachment style and allll my doubts back into the forefront of my mind ljke it was before. like when we first started dating and i was horrified. didnt believe anything he said really but i worked through it its just like? why am i doubting him now? i was the one who hurt him so why is it making me? falter?

i mean im just asking a rhetorical question because i know. iiii always know. its just that i truly dont believe he means any of it anymore because j huuurt him. the one thing thats always sort of bothered me is when he deemed me perfect, which is such a nice and flattering sentiment but i think it weighed down pn me this feeling that i HAD to be perfect when i knew deep down i had already made such a bad mistake. which is why it was so scary? i knew how he was going to take jt and j tried to just accept it and work through it and j AM. i am i am i am but i keep going back and forth on how i want to deal with this. do i keep acting like im okay and everything is okay and live like that? because it would work and it would probably help him so much more than me focusing on how much i hate myself now but i just feel. horrible if i do do that. but is that me self sabotaging again by truly preferring to condemn myself and let this kill me? like it did last time?

i dont know. again it kind of has just reminded me of last time. but the issue with this compared to how it was with jd is that that issue w jd happened about a year and a half into our relationship and the worst part? it ruined it. it festered there and grew more and more till it killed both me and her because it stuck. ajax and i arent even at 2 months yet and jve already? done? something? that detrimental? its just like. i need to change something. find something. DO something different. because i know what i did with jd last time and jm trying not to repeat a cycle. i’ll be different ill try ill do everything i can because iii cant. as selfish as it is i cant let. this . go. i cant let HIM go either and j feel horrible about it again but i just i dont know

its just so weird because. its all came back. and its so unhelpful. because i KNOW hes still going through it and he doesnt believe me and things r just different but why is it also different for me? i should just be focused on him. doing the most i can to make him feel better and really emphasize that nothing has changed in me especially regarding how much i love him. its just i also keep just feeling. so. so guilty. it comes and goes in waves again. it truly is just the fact that hes right. because if i do love you this much then why would i do that to you? why did i do that? and my only answer is just that i am selfish. because i didnt know how to keep my mouth shut and i made such a personal thing out to be just another thing i could just say because iiiii trust them. but HE doesnt know them. j told her for what? because i needed her to know? she didnt need to know that. even if i was as shocked as i was and still processing it and wanted to talk about it i shouldve kept it to myself and processed it silently. instead i put him last and ignored the matter of fact that this would affect him badly just because iiiiii wanted to talk about it . i was selfish and put myself before him and this always happens when i do so. truly why dont i ever learn? what is wrong with me?? i keep kind of forgetting about it all and then it comes back. then goes then leaves. what sucks is truly that . im so doubtful again. its not that i dont trust him and i dont believe him its just that i hate myself. i hate myself all over again and its making me unable to believe that i deserve any of this AGAIN. that no. hes lying to me. he doesnt mean it hes just saying that? ive hurt him too much . because theres no way he just has no negative feelings toward me when i was the one who did that. and let alone if he IS telling the truth then thats worse because why am i spared? why am i given the benefit of the doubt when he has vocalized that if it was anyone else he wouldve hated them? so why is jt different for me? you SHOULD hate me. thats the problem.

[hotwings0203]

Wat if katsuki actually had a s/o that loved Key word LOVED him but.....

Then when he started getting to aggressive and starts hitting her she suddenly stops all the love and affection. And that makes katsuki so confused and angry bc he like 'wtf why did they stop huggin and kissin me when I get home from my matches'. Then his darling becomes very depressed is and cooped up in her room all the time. So when katsuki friends come over they wonder where y/n is.

Tw:abuse, implied dubcon, depression

“Babe, you’re home!” You rush over to the door when you head it unlocking, arms outstretched already or embrace his wounds.

But when the door swings open you’re met with a scowling Bakugo who shoves you aside so hard you fall to the floor.

He grumbles and throws his bags down, kicking mud off his shoes onto the carpet as he glares at you.

“This place is a pigsty. Why the fuck didn’t you clean?”

You laugh nervously and raise an eyebrow. “Uhh, ‘cause I was out all day too? I just got home an hour ago and I was tired. What’s with you? Why’re you in such a bad mood?”

Katsuki’s eyes widen until they’re the size of dinner plates. His nostrils flare and his fists resume the same position as they do in the ring.

“You talkin’ back to me now?”

“What? No, you literally just asked-“

Crack.

The sound of him backhanding your cheek reverberates around the apartment, and you hold your face in shock.

It’s not so much the pain of him striking you that hurts, it’s the fact that this has been happening for a while now that aches the most. Nothing you do-no smiles, no amount of love you showed him in, no sobs or pleads-sways him.

You love him, it’s true.

But it’s hard to love him when he looks at you like that.

“Get the fuck up. And clean all this shit up, the next time I come home to this filth I’ll make the clean the floors with your tongue.”

He grabs you by your hair and throws you face-first onto the tile area, taking his own sweet time to turn around and walk to your shared room.

After you clean for hours until the place is spotless, you retreat to bed.

He’s on his phone typing away with a slight crease in his eyebrows, but he looks up at you as you walk in.

“Hey. You done?” He has the audacity to ask in a gentle voice.

“Mmhm.”

You don’t look at him as you begin changing your clothes in the restroom and close the door behind you.

His frown deepens at that. You’ve never shied away from being vulnerable and naked with him.

To test his doubt, when you walk back into the room with your head still down, he leans forward as you sit down on the mattress, your back turned to him.

You shut off the lights in silence as he reaches a hand out and curls it around your shoulders.

“C’mere, ‘wanna feel you.” He mumbles in his raspy sleepy voice.

But to his utter confusion, you gently brush his hand off and continue your journey to tuck yourself in bed.

With your back still facing him.

“I’m tired Katsuki. Not in the mood.”

His hand is still suspended in midair, his facial features still frozen in his initial shock as he’s left in a pitch black room which is suddenly overcome with a freezing cold creeping up his spine.

He’s too wounded, too shocked and shot from his ego to be irate.

You’ve never said no to cuddling at night. Never. So what was wrong now?

You were taking his anger so well for a while, what the hell was the matter with you?

But he doesn’t touch you again that night. He barely sleeps a wink to your usually comforting sound of soft snores and little mumbles in your sleep talk.

In the morning his lack of sleep gets the betterment of his temper, and he lashes out of you again in the shower.

You’re washing your hair when you feel a cool breeze against your bare body. You open your eyes and see Katsuki standing in front of you outside the glass door to your shower.

You feign an eye roll and merely grab the handle trying to close it shut.

He doesnt even let it budge. He just snarls down at your intruding hand and yanks the door back even further, pulling you along with the force.

You yelp and slip on the floor, falling unceremoniously at his feet.

The look on his face is frankly terrifying, much worse than yesterday’s. Bakugo slowly steps in along with your quickly reversing body and closes the door behind him, trapping you inside with him.

“Why’d you try to close it on me.”

It’s not a question, it’s a demand.

“I’m sorry.”

“Then get up and touch me.”

He’s towering over your cornered form, his fists dangerously swinging next to your head.

Your limbs don’t move though. Your heart thuds slowly, your love ebbing away from him with its slow rhythm.

You already know how this is going to turn out, but you try anyways.

“Please Bakugo, I’m really not in the mood right now.”

“Oh, so it’s Bakugo now, huh?”

Your body disassociates so you don’t feel it as much, but unfortunately your hands still flinch above your head in instinct.

“If you’re-thud-sorry, then you’ll fucking-crack-touch me you-smack-ungrateful bitch.”

Your cries are loud, but not loud enough to drown his roaring out, not enough to mute the sound of his hands cracking above your shaking body.

He leaves the shower unfulfilled in his heart and in his dick.

His mind is in shambles.

This is the longest you’ve wanted space from him, he could understand an hour but half a day?

He has a rude awakening when “half a day” becomes a couple more days, then a week, and then it’s half a month since you’ve willingly kissed his battle scars and loved him with your whole being.

He says willingly because otherwise you eat his hits up like you’re just another fighter in the ring when he gets angry at your apathy. The only restraining factor that differentiates you and the men he puts in coffins is his desperation for you to come back.

To no avail though. If you’re not keeling over on the ground or pinned underneath him and molding your anatomy to the shape of his fists, then you’re still as a corpse on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and wishing you were anywhere else but here.

Bakugo doesn’t know what to do.

He doesn’t know what to feel.

Rage is consumed by paranoia, paranoia is swallowed whole by depression, depression is swept away by panicked desperation.

His hair starts falling out, his punches grow weaker and he comes home with more and more bruises every day to match the ones littering across your body.

One might wonder whose the real fighter-him or you.

And so one day when he can’t stand it anymore, can’t stand the silence and tension that’s so palpable you could taste the iron in the air, he invited his friends over.

He need the distractions. He needs happiness, a word that doesn’t seem worthy of his pathetic being.

He’s more pathetic than your unmoving body.

“Heyyy man!” Sero and Denki exclaim in obnoxious unison and throw their arms around Bakugo’s shoulders. All three of them barrel through his half-opened doorway and practically topple him over.

The air of excitement is so foreign to him, but oh so welcoming.

“Hey,” he grunts back awkwardly.

“You’ve never really invited us over without Y/N dragging you by the ear for it. How is she by the way? Haven’t heard of her in a while.” Kirishima nudges his shoulder.

But before he can open his mouth Denki cuts in. “You knock her up yet? You sly bastard, no wonder you’re hiding her from us. The gigs over Y/N, show us that beautiful belly!” He cups his hands around his mouth and the quip slashes through the air and infests Katsuki’s heart. It’s a mockery, a cruel reminder of what he cannot have.

When their friend doesn’t answer and merely walks off, the boys behind him awkwardly look at each other.

Usually he’d explode at them or at least chase them around the room.

And usually you would come out to greet them.

Katsuki was wrong.

You weren’t different from him anymore.

Because when he accepts that not even his friends can release his stone cold heart from its catatonic confines, he’s never felt more in sync with you than he has now.